Sharing traumatic memories starts when you hear yourself say what happened. It starts in spurts and fits often against your will. It seems logical to forget, block the memory forever, and pretend life is always good. But life includes struggle. Struggles sometimes include traumatic events which force you to fight to live through them. Sharing the memories is the antibiotic to counter the poison of their confinement. Sharing for the first time is scary as hell but as liberating as the Fourth of July. Declaring independence starts with the first share. Sharing traumatic memories becomes easier in time.
A diagnosis of PTSD is not a life sentence. PTSD describes someone with symptoms which interfere with life, and requiring assistance to start the healing process. Healing comes with sharing your story. The first time you share a new part of your story they desire to hold it back will came with it. This is residue from surviving or experiencing the horrific events and wanting them to not have happened. A false narrative runs through your mind with impossible questions. No thing you do can ever change where you are today so second guessing past decisions or actions keeps you trapped in the what if of the past. Sharing memories puts them in their proper place, the past.
Start by sharing
Sharing traumatic memories becomes easier once you start. Initially sharing feels like hell because you are fighting a battle within your mind about things you cannot change or fix. Admitting they are what they are is part of sharing. It is a fight for your future. Veterans fight to live life to the fullest for those who are not here to make their mark. Victors over sexual assault fight to make their mark in spite of the selfishness of the one who caused the pain.
I say I started to share my memories to get my life back. In reality, I shared because it was all I could think about. My first share was with a friend who told me similar events in her life. I know now how valuable that was for both of us. Hearing others share their story empowers and emboldens those who have not declared their independence yet. In time sharing traumatic memories is for those who are just gaining their voice.
First in Part
The first time I shared, I shared just a little side story with my friend. I did not have many friends, I was young, and I lacked opportunity to share, or so I thought. Sharing traumatic memories becomes easier if you have a group of others who have similar stories to share. I found this in a group for domestic violence survivors. We gathered to our relationship with domestic violence, our roles, beliefs, responses, and healthy life options. Counseling should be a safe, judgment free zone perfect for sharing your story.
Sharing traumatic memories becomes easier as we share. After sharing a portion of my story, I would feel so light and happy I want to tell others. My mind has been relieved of guard duty and as I accept it as part of my past it has little impact on my present. Shame, embarrassment, fear of judgment, and thinking people will think differently about me prevented me from sharing. Now that I have told people, those emotions go away. I care more about how relieved I am having let the walls down and less about what people will think.
Triggers in Time
I have suffered from gaps in memory for most of my life. Not being able to remember things others remember is unnerving and has led to my belief in how the brain stores significant traumatic memories. Using excessive resources to hide traumatic memories to protect the person taxes the brains ability to properly convert short term memories into long term memories. It can also lead to memory distortion. However, the primary role of your mind is to help you live a healthy and happy life. The mind knows when to allow some of the memory to be remembered through triggering them.
Triggers signal the release of memories. You can resist their release or welcome them as the next step to independence. I did not know what was happening when all of a sudden I felt strong emotions and a need to change something. Now I recognize a trigger when it happens and I am trying to establish a plan to address them. A triggering event can catch you by surprise but they get easier to identify.
Prepare for Victory
There are a few things I need when a trigger exposes more of my story. I determined to make sharing traumatic memories easier by preparing for their arrival. Below is a list of things to assist in processing an emergent memory.
- Freedom to be alone. I have shared my situation with those who know what I mean when I say I need to be alone. This allows me time to share my story with myself as I process my experiences.
- Self-Reflection. I talk with God about what is happening, who, what, where, when, why this triggered an emotional reaction.
- Share with casual friends or acquaintances first. This takes confronting the urge to deny what I remember. I know I am way too emotional and in need of the freedom to be blunt and honest without someone wanting to fix it (Husband and family).
- Physical Activities. It takes me a little time to process a new memory and I often feel the need to flee so having things to do to keep my body busy helps my mind process.
- Time to Process. Cycle through self-Reflection, sharing, and physical activities a few times if necessary.
- Share with Loved One. My husband and children know how hard it is for me to share memories with them because it makes it real. Once I tell those I love, it is fact. I am working on moving this up faster and I have made great progress. Those who love you need to listen in a positive way and they have to accept this is not typical active listening.
Sharing becomes easier in time by pulling it together
Over time, several small memories become connected into a more complete picture. Though I have pieces still missing, I am confident I am in a good place to begin pulling it all together. Sharing traumatic memories becomes easier in time because you understand a little more about why they come and how much stress they put on your mind. Sharing also becomes easier because you know what you need to process the memory within the goal of moving beyond it and living a happy and healthy life. It’s redundant but bears repeating, the more you share the easier it gets to share.
This is the eighth post dedicated to those with PTSD, or PTSD symptoms, and those who love us. If you are struggling to open up share this series with a trusted loved one who can help share the journey with you. Please read the other posts starting here, share, and encourage others who would benefit from this to check it out, and to raise awareness and insight. If you have symptoms that interfere with work or typical activities seek support from a counselor.
©2018, 2021 Elayne Cross
