Opportunity fuels a vision, you do your best then wonder was it good enough.
Have you had the privilege of having God stir your heart? It sounds profound and it was, it is. Who am I that the creator of the universe would reach out and so clearly remind me I matter to Him? Wow, God touched me!
Over the last two weeks I have studied to facilitate a lesson for my life group. Ordinarily Sam, a gentleman twenty years my senior and even more in faith, fills that roll. Yet, he asked if anyone would like to lead a lesson. I love the opportunity to study and share, noticing one lessons was Esther, I volunteered.
He was pleased and I was excited.
On Saturday my excitement turned to unrest. It was the day of the meeting. I tried to go over my notes, seek God’s direction, and be well prepared. It didn’t go unnoticed I was a woman facilitating a group of couples from a conservative denomination. When I offered, I rejected the gender issue because the topic was Esther. Whispers of doubt and rejection flitted through my mind trying to discourage me. Music soon took over my thoughts.
During the week I had heard a hymn I wanted to share. I hadn’t heard it in a long time but it constantly came to mind. On Saturday I saw how it reflected Esther. She must go to the king, uninvited, and plead for the life of her people.
I felt an anxiety I haven’t felt about teaching for a long time. I have grown to love and respect these people, would they – did they – hold enough favor for me to show up, respond, or participate? As my husband drove I found the song on my phone and my nerves settled immensely. Pulling into the drive I knew it was time to step out and just do it.
We were a minute late and only one other person had arrived. Discouragement tried again as Sam offered me his seat at the head of the table. More arrived, we filled our plates and cups and I began with the hymn. Be thou my vision performed by Rend Collective. A determination to finish filled me even while a constant awareness of who participated and who didn’t kept picking at me through the evening.
When all was finished, I closed the meeting with prayer. Doubt dance through my thoughts. ‘Should I have had Sam or Bryan close the time of prayer?’ I responded thinking “I drew out the important points, made applications to life, and many people participated.” I had completed the task yet …
I realized it wasn’t her, or any persons approval I was seeking but God’s.
As we drove home my husband said we could attend Sam’s church. We had visited a few times but still had our own home church.
I have to admit I wondered if anyone would mention how I did. I didn’t want approval or praise as much as I didn’t want rejection even if it was just through silence. When I approached Jeanette and she told those with her what a great job I did I realized it wasn’t her, or any persons approval I was seeking but God’s. Had I completed the task I volunteered for? Was Father God pleased with how I shared His truth for us today?
The service got underway and I felt calm but not an assurance. As the intro to the second song started my heart leapt. I knew immediately what the song was and assurance was mine. At some time the music director planned this hymn, and God knew it. God touched me with an ‘atta-girl’. Even the sermon resonated with God being there when we need Him.
Keeping my vision in line with His
I try to keep the Lord ‘my best thought in the day and night, His presence my light.’ I want Him to be my “inheritance now and always; the first in my heart; the Sovereign of heaven my treasure, not man’s empty praise.’
- High King of heaven, my victory won.
- May I reach Heaven’s joys, O heaven’s bright sun,
- Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
- still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.
Have you had an opportunity you turned to a vision you executed but needed assurance that God sent? Have you had God send several versions of a similar verse or song that increased your courage and strength to carry on? Comment below I would love to hear your story. If you like this or it has encouraged you share it with a friend or share on Facebook.
©2016 Elayne Cross