Anxious Mom Trusts
Motherhood is no laughing matter. I have prayed with Mothers of sick babies. Kindergartners before the first day. Before middle school. Before the first date. I prayed during the pregnancy and delivery of my grandchildren. Mothers of preschoolers, football players, new drivers, toddler and teenage temper tantrums, I have prayed about it all. I am a praying mom! I recently learned first-hand what it’s like to be an anxious mom.
I have had my share of fears and concerns but I learned long before I had children peace was available after a conversation with Father God. The Holy Spirit rushes my heart like a balm washing out the concern with peace. Things didn’t change instantly, sometimes they even got worse before they got better but I changed. How I approached the situations changed and prayer became my crutch.
I’m not saying I was perfect and without concern. I cried when we didn’t have money to buy the toys everyone else had. I cried when my kids did or said things that hurt me. I cried when my kids were left out, called names, or were suspended from school. I cried at IEP meetings and parent teacher conferences. Yet the crying led to prayer and prayer led me back to peace even when I didn’t understand anything God was up to.
Because I had my crutch I was confused when people I knew were anxious about their children. Some people I discounted as disconnected from God. The ones I knew loved God and trusted Him left me scratching my head. I would often include “I just don’t understand” within my prayers as I prayed for them and their situation. I didn’t.
Then my daughter came home and said she wanted to go to Prom.
All those opportunities with all those kids and when my youngest, age nineteen, told me she wants to go to prom, it hits. Anxiety knotted my stomach and trickled down my spine. Being the confidant prayer warrior I prayed. I would like to say I prayed with faith and trust that opened my heart to the Holy Spirit’s comfort and peace. NO, I prayed out of anxiety, fear, and dread. My focus was “what if” and “let her forget”. Therefore I did the logical thing and forgot about it.
Nine days before Prom I got a call from the school. Monique’s teacher called to see if I knew Monique wanted to go to Prom. And that she had asked a boy to be her date. She didn’t forget, she got a date.
That little taste of anxiety I had boiled over into an ah-ha moment. I get it. Even when I wanted to pray fear seemed to surround me. The little peace I received seemed fleeting. This was happening and I had no escape and no control.
Fear of others
I wasn’t anxious about drinking, reckless driving, or sex. I was anxious for Monique; rejection, isolation, bullying seemed not only possible but probable. Additionally I was anxious about Monique contributing by reacting or behaving in a way that would exacerbate a stressful situation. Prom is a big deal for many teens and I didn’t know how they would respond to her and her autism. But Prom was coming so in a week she got a dress, haircut, nails painted, flowers and dinner plans.
God stretched My Trust
God has stretched my trust and my confidence. The Holy Spirit had settled my spirit before Prom but I thought it was a resignation to an unknown. Little did I know how much my trust was growing. A few days before Prom I started to tell God, and myself, I trust Him. I was trying to convince myself that I trusted God, but I still had doubts.
Monique and her school community make me cry. Prom was yesterday and it was GREAT. We picked up her date and took them to dinner then off to Prom. They were greeted and welcomed wholeheartedly. She danced with her date till she tuckered him out then went out to dance with others. She got pictures with friends and memories for life.
Blessed is the Mom who trusts in the Lord … She is deeply rooted in prayer and will not be anxious.
© 2016 Elayne Cross