If you are in danger, please use a safe computer, computers leave trails and searching can make you vulnerable, or call 911, your local hotline, or the U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 and TTY 1-800-787-3224.
Has someone told you you’re in an abusive relationship?
Did someone show this to you and beg you to answer the questions honestly?
If you are a concerned friend or family member – print this and be VERY careful when you share it.
Please take a minute and ask yourself.
- feel like I’m walking on egg-shells
- avoid topics I know will stir angry outbursts
- fear the police because of threats made by my partner
- cover up what the relationship is really like and how I feel
- lack freedom to say what we do, where we go, or to say no
- have to have sex against my will
- fear leaving because of threats
- fear staying because of threats
- make excuses for the things my partner says and does
- have needs going unmet
- lack the funds to buy what I need
- agree just to keep the peace
- Spends money on personal enjoyment
- Doesn’t like my family so I don’t see them much, or at all
- Gets possessive if I spend time with friends
- Is judgmental
- Accuses me of cheating
- Controls the money
- Doesn’t take personal responsibility for his/her behavior
- Uses my religious beliefs to support the abuse
- Will just look at me in public and I know I did something wrong and make me afraid
- Checks up on me – comes to my work, calls me, drives by where I’m at
- Has destroyed some of my things, especially personal or emotionally valuable things
- Controls what clothing I wear either by ridicule and humiliation or commanding I change
- Controls who we spend time with, and limits time with unapproved people
- Uses my emotions against me, especially crying
- Threatens to beat me up, punch me, or kill me
- Threatened to divorce or leave me and take everything
- Threatened to take away my kids
- Ridicules my accomplishment, creativity, and ideas
- Blames me or others for problems and everything that goes wrong
- Has physically hit, choked, poked, pulled my hair
- Has used physical or emotional means to keep me home
Abuse is physical, emotional, and psychological.
It can be predominantly emotional and psychological, but it’s still abuse. If you answered yes to less than five questions above you may still be in an abusive relationship. Fear and control are the root of abuse. If you have become submissive to limit the abuse, you are in a temporary state of calm.
Emotional and psychological abuse are verbal. This wears away at your identity and value. Often it is this type of abuse leads victims to believe they deserve it, can control it, and it’s normal.
If you are in danger, please use a safe computer, or call 911, your local hotline, or the U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 and TTY 1-800-787-3224.
You don’t deserve abuse! You can’t control an abuser! Abuse is NOT normal! It’s NOT OK!
If you want more information about how to get away safely (or help someone) comment below. I did it, so can you.
©Jan 2016 Elayne Cross